parent advice?
kris asked:
i am a responsible hard working educated 25 year old teacher. my boyfriend of a year is 27. we live 60 min apart. we have every intention of getting married sometime in the future however the hour apart is draining on our relationship because we can only see each other on the weekends. he has mentioned me moving in with him for the next year. while i am on the fence about this whole idea my parents are completely against cohabitation and they threaten to not pay for our wedding if i did move in with him. we have not had *** and dont plan to and my parents knwo this however i cant be sure they actually believe me. any advice from a parents point of view on how to handle this?
James
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i am a responsible hard working educated 25 year old teacher. my boyfriend of a year is 27. we live 60 min apart. we have every intention of getting married sometime in the future however the hour apart is draining on our relationship because we can only see each other on the weekends. he has mentioned me moving in with him for the next year. while i am on the fence about this whole idea my parents are completely against cohabitation and they threaten to not pay for our wedding if i did move in with him. we have not had *** and dont plan to and my parents knwo this however i cant be sure they actually believe me. any advice from a parents point of view on how to handle this?
James
December 28th, 2011 at 9:17 am
Gavin
Do what you feel is right. What’s more important your love for him or money. If you both work then do what you want and pay for your own wedding. I think it’s best to live with someone first because it shows you who they really are. Ask your parents would they rather they pay for a wedding that may end in divorce or make sure you living together is compatibale and pay for a marriage that will last a life time. g/l follow your heart!!!
December 30th, 2011 at 2:48 pm
Allison
I encourage you to both live with and have *** with your boyfriend before marrying him. There’s nothing worse than getting married and finding out you’re totally wrong for each other in the bedroom.
As for your parents, they need to accept you’re and adult and **** it up.
You should pay for your own wedding–that way you keep control of it. The best thing we ever did was pay for ours.
December 30th, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Taylor
If premarital *** is a big issue I would say don’t move in. You both may have every intention of NOT having *** but living together would complicate that. Your mind might say no but your body won’t.
If you love each other you’ll find another way to fix this problem.
January 1st, 2012 at 2:11 am
Samantha
You’ll need to decide if you want to give up the dream of the storybook wedding in order for life to be more convenient now. Another option is to get married sooner.
None of these are optimal choices, but that’s the kind of choices life will be filled with.
January 4th, 2012 at 1:54 am
Brayden
Who cares what the parents think?? Your the one that wants to be with him so be with him. You have one life do you really want to waste it because your parents didn’t approve. I would be telling them thanks heaps for the threats wow I thought parents were suppose to lead by example. Then again maybe your looking for an excuse not to be with him? Honestly I don’t see the problem you either love him and can’t live without him or your not even sure what you want???
January 5th, 2012 at 2:50 pm
Emily
I think do what is best for your relationship.. remember this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.. living with.. loving.. supporting.. you wont be living with mum and dad for the rest of your life.. I am actually shocked that their trying to black mail you to get their own way… If it was my mum and dad i wouldn’t care if they didn’t pay for my wedding.. i think its selfish that their using that to try and satisfy their own personal beliefs.
January 7th, 2012 at 4:17 am
Sebastian
It seems like the two of you are do not intend to have *** before marriage – which is a good choice for you. However, if you move in together the chances that *** will happen increase with the close intimacy of the situation.
My hubby and I lived 60 minutes apart while we were dating and engaged. Personally, we did not find this a problem. By niece and her now hubby lived four hours apart and did not find it a problem. This is something that the two of you have to decide – talk with him and see what the real issue is because I don’t think it is the hour commute.
As for the wedding, you are both working save for your own wedding and then no one will hold that over your head. And you can make your own choices without someone saying “but I’m paying for it”.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
January 8th, 2012 at 11:44 pm
Samantha
Shame on your parents!!! They are attempting to control your life at 25!?!?!??!?! I am so sorry, but that is hideous.
I agree with the panel so far… do what feels right for you and your relationship.
I know we all dream about the wedding, … but in reality it comes down to your commitment to your man.. that is what is most important. Have a quaint little ceremony rather than a big extravaganza!!! Have HUGE party on your 10th anniversary maybe…
So, explain your decision to your parents, and know they will have their fit.. be prepared for it. Just be very mature about it. Tell them you are appreciative of their opinion, and are grateful for the values they have instilled in you. You hope they will have enough trust in you to see that you will use those values to make the first of many good decisions for your life.
It will all pass, and once you are married and happy they will be fine. After all, that is all us parental types want… our kids to be happy!!!
Congratulations and Best Wishes!!!!